Guest blog: the lies of life

There you sit on the couch. Confused, hungry and above all disappointed. Music by Jessie Reyez in the background. And then you hear it…

“Go to school and get a good job,
Just to work your life away and pay your debts
And even those who live their dreams out.
Cry, because those glitters are not what you expect”
- 'No one's in the Room' by Jessie Reyez

Let's talk about that. The lies of life.

Today I examine these lyrics and give you 3 tips to deal with these lies.

1. Go to school and you will get a good job.

This lie is heard by almost everyone. You get beaten dumb with it by your teachers, parents and distant relatives that you don't really know. Sometimes I feel like we are programmed all our childhood to become knowledge robots, but not taught how to deal with the real things in life. Like how do you deal with people who treat you badly, how do you learn to deal with money and what is the purpose of your life.

And the whole joke is that nowadays almost everyone has access to a diploma. So when you start applying, they say: "Yes, nice that diploma, but what did you do for the rest?" After all, you are not baked if you have a diploma.

How do you get a good job? Make sure you build up a professional network during your studies, do an internship at a leading company, take up an interesting hobby and choose a part-time job that fits your future work.

Not a student anymore? Then start a side hustle to build up expertise somewhere. And use social media to expand your professional network and find a nice job.

2. Only to get rid of your life and pay your debts.

Too young and inexperienced to work at your dream job and later you are too old and it is too late to start your dream job. So what do you do? You settle for a life that is simply "average and fine."

The older you get the more you see that this is the reality for many people. But that this doesn't have to be your reality.
-Do you want to become a fashion stylist? Then create an Instagram account and show cool outfits.
-Do you want to be a poet? Read books on poetry and save up for a course.
-Do you want to start your own business? Start with market research and see if there is a demand for what you want to offer.

It's never too late or too early to start. And the right time will never come. You make sure the right time is today. You make that decision every day. And every day you choose not to be ready, you choose to be ready for the 'settled' life.

3. And even those who have their dream life. Crying, because the glitter is not what they expected.

Because even if you follow the right path, it is not a guarantee that your dream life will give you what you thought. I am literally living my dream life right now. Helping women grow and start their own businesses every day. And yet it is not as I expected. Some things are beyond my expectations and others I hadn't even thought about. I didn't know what it was like when after days of working on your website, your website can suddenly be gone. A customer who does not pay and you even have to call in bailiffs. How to deal with uncertainties and heart palpitations for each new milestone.

No one tells you how painful growth can be. At the same time you need growth. Those palpitations that make you alive. And make the difference between just 'being there' and really living. To settle is to throw your life away. Your dreams are living others. Maybe in a few years or a few months that will be your life too.

So choose to step out of your comfort zone regularly. Dare to dream and also take action. You do that simply by instead of saying: "I'll do it tomorrow."

Are you saying, "I'm making myself my priority and starting now."

About Ayesha
I'm Ayesha Standar (instagram: @ayeshanoelle ), a habit coach for ambitious young women who want to reach their goals. Ever since I was little, I've had a fascination with what drives people and why people do what they do. Hence it was no surprise that I studied Applied Psychology.

I am a born and raised Amsterdammer with a dry sense of humour. I think it's important that people enjoy life. Don't just exist, live! I hope to achieve that by coaching women to break through their patterns and create successful habits. My coaching style is accessible, fun and solution-oriented.